Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Kaathirupathum Sugamthan: A Valentine's Day Short Story

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I never really experienced love before. Of cause many times in my life, I have used the term love to associate my feelings to a girl. The first time I used this L word is to a girl without knowing what it really meaning was when I was 15.

Her name was Nisha. She was the most beautiful girl in the class. 8 out of the 20 boys in my class “loved” her. God knows how many in the whole school “loved” her. I was no different. I proposed to her and she said yes, only to break up after 3 months.

At 15, love to me was being with the most beautiful girl in class and to show off to friends that the most beautiful girl in class was indeed my girlfriend. That was what “love” was to me when I was 15.
When I was 19, I was in university. I thought that by being a university student, I was not mature enough to be in a relationship and I had understand what love is. In my first year of university I met Mona. She was my classmate and good friend.

I got comfortable with her and within months of getting to know her, I proposed to her. She said no. She wasn’t planning to fall in love as she felt it was her responsibility to only study while she is in university. I couldn’t accept her reasoning and over time I distanced myself from her. 9 months later I begin hating her when I saw she was dating another person.

At that point of life, I thought that if someone is close and comfortable with me, I was entitled to love them, and they had to love me back. Little did I know about rejection.

 At 25, I met Shalini on Instagram. We started dating shortly after chatting with each other. I was in a very lonely and dark place at time and so was she. After a couple of dates, we proposed to each other and got in a relationship.

Getting in a relationship just because you are lonely is such a toxic step to take. Not only was I feeling lonely, so was Shalini and that is why we were desperate enough to get into a relationship as soon as possible. We pushed on the relationship for nearly 2 years but we both knew that it was toxic and bound to end.

I was in a relationship because I didn’t want to be lonely. Nothing because I was in love or understand what love is. Neither of the girls I “loved” was bad or wrong yet nothing worked out. Why? Because I never understood what love is.

Today I believe love is having someone who is so selfless and filled with love. Being with someone who goes out and beyond to make up your day. In her every word, look and thoughts it must be filled with love and care.

Being in love is being with someone who you know will empower you and be your pillar of strength. The type of person who lights up a house when she walks in. Finally, for me personally she needs to have the smile that makes you go speechless.

Over time what I understood is that in life you got to wait. Good things take time to manifest. Wait and learn from things. Because waiting for the right person is something amazing in beautiful.
Today I am 32 years old, and I am with her finally.

Her name is Lisa, she is a mother of 1. Her being a divorcee from a toxic marriage and me meeting her sparked out a beautiful romance with her.  Lisa had to endure a tough abusive relationship in her past and when she had lost all faith in life, I stepped in. Together we have been empowering each other and we have grown so much together to be successful. My wait for her ended beautifully. Avele kaage kaathirupathum sugamthan.

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